Nothing To Talk About

I have totally drawn a blank on today’s blog. My head is full of unresolved plot bollocks from Playing Doctor. The thing with editing the stupid book is I know that a) it will still be full of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes and b) vital plot points will be missing and I’ll remember them about five minutes after I put it up for you to read. I mean, you can tell that from this blog, which I usually write in a hurry. So I’m kind of buggered anyway. Do you see what you’ve done to me, literary agents? Do you see what you make me do? Bastards.

So here’s the deal. It’ll be free from here, so you won’t have to pay a penny. Isn’t that nice? Then, when you’ve read it, you can travel over to Amazon and give me a review. And it must be an honest review. Or not. Who am I, your mother?
Anyhoo, I’m only trying to fill my Stephen King quota – you know, the old “write 2000 words a day” writer’s mantra. It works pretty well for me, because i put about 700 here every day and the rest go into the stories, thoughts, and actual content. Unfortunately today content of any kind seems to be lacking.
The Best TV I Have Seen Recently
Usually I hate TV because I have the attention span of a child who’s just swallowed a lego brick and doesn’t know what to do about it. I cannot, cannot sit still for more than thirty minutes or I think I’m going to explode.
First, Homeland. I’m still in Series One, so if the comments contain any spoilers I’ll hunt you down and kill you.
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Homeland is the sexiest TV program I’ve seen recently – I think it’s the fact Carrie Matheson (played by Clare Danes) is really, like, mental and shit. I have a soft spot for mental women that’s previously caused me a lot of relationship trauma. But when she goes all bug-eyed and crazy and starts breaking stuff and crying it’s like suddenly the perfect woman for me. I have this feeling the show is more about her than anybody else, given the crazy opening credits and drunk trumpeting. Seriously, watch it. WATCH THE CREDITS. It’s like David Cronenberg made a recruitment video for the CIA.
Also Damian Lewis, who was stunningly good in Band of Brothers all of, like, a thousand years ago. He should probably have been the next James Bond or something.
And also this guy.
Secondly, I just finished series 1 of The Killing. Denmark looks like Blade Runner – really grim and shit and everybody wears jumpers in the rain. I think I was a bit disappointed with the ending because it reminded me of Lost. There were so many unresolved plot points I thought my head was going to explode. Still, I liked it, and now i know how to say “for fuck’s sake” in Danish, which is bound to be useful. Also Sofie Grabol is weird hot.
Thirdly, Elementary. Blah blah blah Sherlock Holmes. I’ve done this already.
I’m running out of things to talk about. My brain is just totally fritzed today. Here’s some comics. No calls please.
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