Filthy Smutterings

I’m not a business analyst. I should make that clear right at the start. But I have been wrestling with a business problem of sorts, one that’s keeping me awake at night (this joke will make sense later on. Unfortunately, I’ve kind of wasted my only good joke in the opening paragraph).
What I want to know is – what’s keeping the pornography industry going? This is an industry that continually posts profit figures, year on year, yet (as far as I know) nobody my age or younger has ever paid for porn.
The reason is of course the Internet. And it is obvious even from a cursory glance that the Internet holds more porn than any human being could conceivably watch, even of they received a government grant to do so and devoted every waking moment – except for a half-hour at lunch time and one hour at dinner, union rules permitting.
The analogy is people buying bottled water when it falls out of the sky, of course. I’ve never really understood bottled water, but then again I’ve never lived in Slough either. Slough – what’s that about? Anyway, what I mean is that porn on the Internet is like rain. Well not really like rain. Some people live in deserts.PAYING FOR PORN ON THE NET IS LIKE PAYING FOR SOIL.

The only answer, as far as I can see, is that the people financing the porn industry are paying for something special. They’re paying for something so craven, so degrading, that even regular porn sites won’t touch it. The mind boggles and the imagination runs cowering when you consider how filthy that stuff must be. What, screams the subconscious, is it?
Maybe it’s sex where the man doesn’t call the woman a whore and slap her ass. Call me naive, but up to the age of fifteen I thought that’s how adults conducted intimate relations*. Maybe it’s sex with lots of tender moments and smiling. Ugh, but who’d want to watch that?
I had a point, but I’ve forgotten it. It’s still the holiday season and I’m nursing a hangover up the A1. I’ll go back to talking about meaningful things soon.

*this is only partially a joke

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